Going Home

Well I feel prety dumb when I say that am confused. But thats what is appropriate to say what I am. I wanted to go home and resign and change my job and look what I have planned meticuosly over the past three months and how well I have executed it.
Priorities on the list were to:

A) Return back to India because Singapore was boring and I wasn't saving anything.
B) Move out of that goddamn house..coz flatmates suck.
C) Change job because this one was bloody irritating, lots of work and no money.
D) Get away that unnecessary responsibility and over-commitment I attract.
E) Spend sometime with friends traveling and sharing my earnings with friends.
F) May be return to Singapore with some better job

Today with less than a week to go back to India. What all I have managed is so simple and away from what I wanted from life.

A) I am still with the same company. I am still taking the same shit and I shall have the same shit for some time in future.
B) Based on my request to go back my green card is cancelled (yep I wanted it to be so) and this means that if I come back I may have tax liability of extra 10%.
C) This is still doubtful if I will come back or not
D) Am leaving my luggage here and it will be lying here assuming that I will return.
E) I don't know when I will be coming back.
F) None of the friends have time to come with me to GOA :( to celebrate and hang out.
G) My folks are coming to bangalore and hence they don't want me to travel across India coz hard earned money will be wated.
H) No body understands what I want to do and why I coming back
I) New boss might think I am not keeping up my promise as I am not sure how the new module I have been asked to shoulder responsibility for development will come up.
J) I have to report in Bangalore office on 26th Dec.


The holidays look more like confusing that entertaining to me.
The additional tax liability may be irritating. The company may not send me back.
I may have to resign and look for other job but I don't know where when why and what.

Life is a little too chaotic and confusing as of now.
But not because things are wrong or bad. Its because this is life. I am growing up.
I am nerd and I think a little to much and I always love to Hate what life offers and think about what if scenarios.

I am trying hard to control all this but looks like it will take time to appreciate life and understand what it is and to keep this pessimism under control.

Isn't it more than good that I am going home.