excerpts from junkie's diary...

The summer sun as westerners call it appears every day in Singapore. Its hot and humid throughout the year and that's why Malaysia and Singapore are so popular destinations for Europeans and Americans. Add to that the fact the conversion rate also makes it easy for them to afford most things in Singapore. Luxury ain't that expensive here when you are earning in Euros or Pounds or USD.
But I didn't open up this post to talk about the economic feasibility of a holiday out here for them nor I wanted to discuss the weather of Singapore. What I wanted to discuss instead is that today am sitting in front of my open window at home. Before of I go on and talk about the open window, there is something more important than this open window. This ain't something which happens everyday. This is an event which I cannot seem to remember in near past or foresee in near future.
Its a sunday afternoon am at home unlike most other sundays. I am not working today, despite of the fact that there are so many deadlines to chase and am just sitting here with air-conditioner switched off. Yes, that's precisely why the window is closed mostly. The hot sun and humidity are best fight when you are armed with aircons.

Outside my window is another world. It sometimes feel I am looking at something I don't know. These are apartments which any one from Indian subcontinent won't bother not to call High Rise, there are people living in them though I assume it or one can say conclude it because the curtains I can see in houses are moving sometimes. There is a beautiful garden (what am I comparing it to..now I wonder this is a lame comparison apples to oranges no better would be oranges to potatoes whatever) and a soft window is blowing.

But I ain't feeling anything good or bad about it. It just doesn't feel like anything. I am listening to the music my iPOD is churning and is playing on the music system. But I can't feel anything. All the thoughts that come to me just pass me by like the wind that is causing the leaves to shuffle. Sometimes the wind is too strong and the leaves jostle but mostly the wind just flows by. That's the kind of thought pattern I have been having.

Give me 10 mins to sit idle I remember my laptop or iPOD. Restrict me from thinking about work and I don't have anything worthwhile to think about. In the pursuit of being busy this work has become something which booze or dope could not become. An addiction which lets me escape, transcend into someone else, a fictitious hero who is fighting the odds, challenging life and work and people to come and fight.

Am living in my own world, hallucinating not like a junkie high on drug but this is another LSD called work. This one is socially acceptable makes you go numb, easily available rather in abundance and people like you to have as much as u can.

What wrong are those junkies doing? Killing themselves too early harming society and what not. What are we doing?

that's why I don't open the windows. Better keep them closed. Its too hard to confront yourself. Its too hard to lie.

Food for thought: "alcoholics" & "workoholics", why do they sound like each other and rhyme. Ever wondered why?

"Close that window...pull the curtains..there is too much light outsight it blinds me and the fresh air is suffocating..."

Just to quote for the scraps..some one talked about searching for something...PINK FLOYD..says it all...

"Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There's a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
go down this road we've been so many times"