yes, believe me I am...the price was paid by me and i didn't even knew when !!
It was a fraud..and when i realised that it was, thousands of litres of water had flown down the holy ganges...the last nail on the coffin was the realization of the fact that damage was irrepairable. The process was irreversible.
Do you remeber why did the old man who had a small canary (who commited sucide later) in the movie Shawshank Redeption die? The only reason why he died was because after all his life in the prison, he could not adopt to life outside. He was INSTITUTIONALIZED.
Similar is what i feel today. When there is not much to do, I can't find anything to indulge in. Am looking for work but can't find any. What adds to the pain is the realization that my first preference is to somehow remain busy. Music, booze, alcohol , chat, even this blogging are mere indulgences, what all this gives me is an escape from my self. An escape from self.
Axl Rose sang "We all need sometime, on our own, everybody needs some time on his own" but I really wonder why? When you get the time alone..its more painful than the realization that u need some time....
I am looking for something which shall make me feel happy..contended, and its truly ironical because i know nothing can really hold for me..for some time. Especially when i know happiness can't come from something...nothing can give me wat am looking for ..these are all indulgences mere indulgences.
We are somehow trying to find a way to spend our lifetime.And this makes me to think that when the final destination is death...y are we resisitng..wasting our lives in indulagances ..which are material...so material so very phoney..empty...am confused ..may be i pretend that I am .
And when i look at my peers i wonder do they know? I wonder are they in the mad rush as well? Are they happy ....really HAPPY or there is no happiness...they are just gud actors....
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