and it unfolds

It unfolds slowly, so slow that no one notices. So slow that no ones knows. Before any one understands whats happening it unfolds so much that its only thought to be changing in leaps and bounds. But the question is what is it or what it is? This is something we all know so very well that we don't even know. Judging oursleves, judging others, working our day doing chores we are so busy that we even fail to realise that this something is nothing else but the LIFE which is what we are living every day.

One fine day we realise that life has happened to us. Life has changed and then we are struggling to find it its good or bad. How good and how bad? We forget to notice that the life has changed. One of such thing happens every now and then. It happens to me and it happens ro you.

Today was the first BIG meeting I attended. All the people sitting there were bigger than me and I was the youngest. I am sure none of them know me, but i knew them all. The room they called the board room. The CEO, the VP's all the big shots and there in the corner was me. The very me. I didn't speak anything. What would a small guy like me talk there in front of those people who talk about millions and shoulder the responsibility to do things which impact millions of dollars but we are all human isn't it.

These meetings happen all the time. And I sit there as a silent spectator. I am a spectator knowing so little that I am never comfortable to speak up there. Back in my office also when they talk technical stuff I am lost...

LOST I am because I don't know or because its so..it is as it is. There is something I am fighting for working charged up every night day after day but I really don't know what it is that keeps fuelling me everyday. A desire a fire an eternal flame to burn out rather than fade away..looks like an old story in the old package..Kurt Cobain said so as well right but he killed himself.

But I have a plan for my self. Work so hard, strive so hard that it kills you. Beats the shit out of you. That will finish me off. I am not sure about you.

"Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can’t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he’s gone"