1750 hr
Songs i likes playing on yahoo radio today, though its not a comprehensive list...n in case you all come here to view/look or whatever to look/feel/smell the shit I churn sometime leave a message..won't mind.
Breakfast: None --woke up at 7 am waited for 30 mins to get into shower coz motu was in
1804 hr:** yahoo radio is dead lemee c what happened....lemme c..stopped all of a sudden..boss missing from next seat ..i wonder we keep our laptops so close..i mean me n boss should not...launcast again started.
oh boss had assigned some job..i dun feel like working these days..dun know whats happeing...but still am working..
finally i hear music playing in my ears..which song is this..IRON MAIDEN...greatRUN TO THE HILLS.....lemme work for some time..will get back...drummin n gutaring this part is good of the song...
1812 hrs: Priya is too busy now earlier she wanted to be a lil busy..tomorrow is her last day in NTUC..yahoo radio has pulled up a sexy number by U2 called WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME..but these guys ain't very reliable next song is gonna be perfectly crap and this is my customized station so u novices who plan to tune in to any station imagine kinda experience u will have..off looking at that SKU batch job now...fucking confusing it is..which thing which store which location which concept...RETAIL is so complicated of a domain..
Back to work....
1824 hrboss sitting next..knock knock knocking on heavens door- GnR
2000 hrs: hey am running home...........
May 26, 2005
"WELCOME TO THE MACHINE"
Pink Floyd's version of life seems pretty appropriate to start up a day n to blog early morning sitting at the client's place waiting for the more experienced and more responsible people to arrive, beacause being the youngest one you own the code you WRITE; you BEAR the responsibility when it fails; you literally OWE EXPLANATIONS for everything about it but you cannot decide or take a decision about changing and manipulating it because you are a novice.
So here I am waiting for people to take decisions and then act upon them. In fact this makes life simpler for me. Come whatever I shall not, or I can't that's more proper say or do something unless asked to do...that's y I said welcome to the machine.
But working late in the offices has kind of become a routine. Boss ,mockingly says "Project NEEND Mangta hai"..literally meaning "Project demands for reduction in sleeping hours of the team". And not only sleep, I am here having put up my life over it. But sometimes I really wonder is it really required. It will at max get me into the god books of my boss, my employer's would be happy(nah they won't be project is not doing great financially)..but how does it matter!!
Nothing really is the outcome.
Nothing which will come out of these efforts will matter. But still motivating yourself day after day to pump up, to concentrate to work better, sometimes as on this Thursday morning feels worthless, pointless, needless and last but not the least meaningless.
struggled hard to go back home after diagnosing and rectifying a fault, as usual skipped the dinner because there was more promises and responsibility I had taken up. I had promised that I would come to office early and here I was at 8:15 AM. Never had been in any goddamn office any time..its been some time now since I have been working..not much but yes one year now. And what do I do after coming here nothing...am blogging...no work to do. All waiting for my boss to come. One mid size boss who has am empty head speaking something easy to zap him...and I did and other responsible ones, I answered politely and acting on my advice am sitting here for almost an hour doing no work and waiting for my boss.
The batch job (which is not yet set to run automatically, I wanted it to be run manually) was supposed to run at 9 AM. Another new requirement hit me last night as well.
So am waiting and waiting and waiting...pondering and thinking...welcome to the machine.
Some questions I can't find answers whenever I think about and hence fear now ....leave those questions behind...big boss called up
instructed all the small mid size bosses and without thinking I wait for the next assignment. They say the batch has to run at mid day..not a problem..when I can run it yesterday I can run it today.
Nothing much nothing less keep blogging keep surfing..waste time..work little..show more ...don't take responsibility..boast more..and I think u will enjoy life more, yes life coz for me there ain't any life in between left. May be you will have more friends, you will sleep longer, live life on your own terms.
Adios!!
MECHANICAL CRAZY MOODY NERD.
So here I am waiting for people to take decisions and then act upon them. In fact this makes life simpler for me. Come whatever I shall not, or I can't that's more proper say or do something unless asked to do...that's y I said welcome to the machine.
But working late in the offices has kind of become a routine. Boss ,mockingly says "Project NEEND Mangta hai"..literally meaning "Project demands for reduction in sleeping hours of the team". And not only sleep, I am here having put up my life over it. But sometimes I really wonder is it really required. It will at max get me into the god books of my boss, my employer's would be happy(nah they won't be project is not doing great financially)..but how does it matter!!
Nothing really is the outcome.
Nothing which will come out of these efforts will matter. But still motivating yourself day after day to pump up, to concentrate to work better, sometimes as on this Thursday morning feels worthless, pointless, needless and last but not the least meaningless.
struggled hard to go back home after diagnosing and rectifying a fault, as usual skipped the dinner because there was more promises and responsibility I had taken up. I had promised that I would come to office early and here I was at 8:15 AM. Never had been in any goddamn office any time..its been some time now since I have been working..not much but yes one year now. And what do I do after coming here nothing...am blogging...no work to do. All waiting for my boss to come. One mid size boss who has am empty head speaking something easy to zap him...and I did and other responsible ones, I answered politely and acting on my advice am sitting here for almost an hour doing no work and waiting for my boss.
The batch job (which is not yet set to run automatically, I wanted it to be run manually) was supposed to run at 9 AM. Another new requirement hit me last night as well.
So am waiting and waiting and waiting...pondering and thinking...welcome to the machine.
Some questions I can't find answers whenever I think about and hence fear now ....leave those questions behind...big boss called up
instructed all the small mid size bosses and without thinking I wait for the next assignment. They say the batch has to run at mid day..not a problem..when I can run it yesterday I can run it today.
Nothing much nothing less keep blogging keep surfing..waste time..work little..show more ...don't take responsibility..boast more..and I think u will enjoy life more, yes life coz for me there ain't any life in between left. May be you will have more friends, you will sleep longer, live life on your own terms.
Adios!!
MECHANICAL CRAZY MOODY NERD.
May 25, 2005
chaos central
my version of the life am living..sheer confusion chaos conflict and some brush strokes..simulated....a few movemements of mouse and clicks..
May 24, 2005
just thought why not share the pics
Chopsuey playing on yahoo radio...as loud as it can be..and am typin on this IBM laptop as if someone has taken over me n my soul...time is passing me by like there ain't nething left in the day..but is this the day only or the world itself...slowly smouldering towards the inevitable...the darkness has awready surrounded us all..n its getting darker n darker all and around....8:48pm Singapore time..yet another evening at work not really working..pissed of with the fact that i am here..but this ain't a disappointment..in a way it is good that am here..now am here..where no one else but me stays here...noone but me to tell to teach to tell me good and bad..as they all do and they all say..so far away where even phone calls are few.....
its nice its like being glued to the island called you...
another new number has come up on the radio nice guitaring...was wondering who is this...was like a known noise n as the voice.....
in betweem me crapped that lil problem i am facing with the script....n now i dun know what i was talking about...crap
its nice its like being glued to the island called you...
another new number has come up on the radio nice guitaring...was wondering who is this...was like a known noise n as the voice.....
in betweem me crapped that lil problem i am facing with the script....n now i dun know what i was talking about...crap
May 17, 2005
Old old...Old College Friends
hey there was a time in life when we ate on the same plates, boozed together, fought together with each other, there was a time not long long ago; but now the same things look back as if it was long, no not even long but long long time ago.
From school days when studies took the centerstage of my life though I can never say i was a brilliant student but yes if i look back upon me and how I was like..i owuld rather smile. A guy with a trouser which he desperately wanted to change...coz it had turned from blue to some off blue colour and there were guys in the class which were very well dressed than I was. One who wore glasses which were framed into those big black plastic glasses, one who hadn't known deodarants till he was in college. One who wanted to be hep but was never really hep. Looked down to people who boozed, rather even those who were drinking beeers. One who always had little money in his pockets leave enough to show it off.
There in those of dust n those days of pain when those little things maattered more than anything else I could think of at that time. When the jealousy was upto the marks and the competition was limited to figting for the little space on the dias.
Weren't the flowers beautiful.Wasn't there lesser frustration in life.
Wasn't everything in its own way....and we didn't even knew which way they were good or which way they were bad.
Life was life. Life it is. Life it will be.
Acceptance doesn't though come easy. There is a me in there. There was one me there who was unknown to me. One who just walked in.
From school days when studies took the centerstage of my life though I can never say i was a brilliant student but yes if i look back upon me and how I was like..i owuld rather smile. A guy with a trouser which he desperately wanted to change...coz it had turned from blue to some off blue colour and there were guys in the class which were very well dressed than I was. One who wore glasses which were framed into those big black plastic glasses, one who hadn't known deodarants till he was in college. One who wanted to be hep but was never really hep. Looked down to people who boozed, rather even those who were drinking beeers. One who always had little money in his pockets leave enough to show it off.
There in those of dust n those days of pain when those little things maattered more than anything else I could think of at that time. When the jealousy was upto the marks and the competition was limited to figting for the little space on the dias.
Weren't the flowers beautiful.Wasn't there lesser frustration in life.
Wasn't everything in its own way....and we didn't even knew which way they were good or which way they were bad.
Life was life. Life it is. Life it will be.
Acceptance doesn't though come easy. There is a me in there. There was one me there who was unknown to me. One who just walked in.
May 15, 2005
its my b'day
hey blog u should also know its my bday..today
one more bloge one more b'day n the interesting this is u are also goin to have u r b'day soon.
Its been almost n yr now..that u had been staniding by me attending being the most patient listner to my said n unsaid crap.
I changed ur name. U didn't mind. Changed your looks.
Didn't come back to u n then came back to u after long but like an asian wife u alwaz stood by me.
Thanks blog thanks for being there!!
Had been a silent spectator to a hell big of a booze party. Ramakrishna
And just for records the bachelor boys snap....
,who incidentally nicknamed me Ramg (After one of the greatest indian mythology gods, who is known better as Maryadapurushottam Ram...literally meaning the god who laid an example of how life is to be lived); threw a booze n food party at boon keng n oh lord what a party it turned out to be.
Abstaining from booze helps and it has saved me from a lot of situations. Yesterday was one more day I was sober n liked the flow....though the end was fucking bad.
UP was the first one to call me up n wish me. Though the first one to send me the wish was the one friend who kinda never misses any small or big ocassions to make me happy. Who has been following me for good whereever I go. She just managed to be one sec after 0000 hrs singapore time. Next in the morning was my young DAD.
Then was didi.
I am expecting few more calls from friends.
Especially the ones who left messages on yahoo messenger n I know they are going to hit me back. Shail and adi they just can't miss my b'day n even if they do i won't believe.
Woke up pretty late though not beacuse of booze but because of the curtains which don't allow the light even if its mid day to come in. Same daily rituals n am in office now.
Blogging. After this have to work. Tomorrow is an important commited delivery.
And my fav guy at the party....Murari
one more bloge one more b'day n the interesting this is u are also goin to have u r b'day soon.
Its been almost n yr now..that u had been staniding by me attending being the most patient listner to my said n unsaid crap.
I changed ur name. U didn't mind. Changed your looks.
Didn't come back to u n then came back to u after long but like an asian wife u alwaz stood by me.
Thanks blog thanks for being there!!
Had been a silent spectator to a hell big of a booze party. Ramakrishna
And just for records the bachelor boys snap....
,who incidentally nicknamed me Ramg (After one of the greatest indian mythology gods, who is known better as Maryadapurushottam Ram...literally meaning the god who laid an example of how life is to be lived); threw a booze n food party at boon keng n oh lord what a party it turned out to be.
Abstaining from booze helps and it has saved me from a lot of situations. Yesterday was one more day I was sober n liked the flow....though the end was fucking bad.
UP was the first one to call me up n wish me. Though the first one to send me the wish was the one friend who kinda never misses any small or big ocassions to make me happy. Who has been following me for good whereever I go. She just managed to be one sec after 0000 hrs singapore time. Next in the morning was my young DAD.
Then was didi.
I am expecting few more calls from friends.
Especially the ones who left messages on yahoo messenger n I know they are going to hit me back. Shail and adi they just can't miss my b'day n even if they do i won't believe.
Woke up pretty late though not beacuse of booze but because of the curtains which don't allow the light even if its mid day to come in. Same daily rituals n am in office now.
Blogging. After this have to work. Tomorrow is an important commited delivery.
And my fav guy at the party....Murari
May 14, 2005
how the heck!!
man its getting on my head..am pissed of
bloody mood swings don't want to talk..this work..ain't going no where and I have a realization that I can't work even more..bloody bad slog slog and slog. Nothing in it for me..save my soul
The day let me tell my self about the day..better call it a DOG's day..
By the way when am blogging am also exporting a bloodt database from the live server.
I really wish man was an island now. Really an island.
Life status
myTune: Merciful Fate - Metallica (my iPOD)
myMood: Why am I Screwed ..realization bloody misfit I am
justOneLine: KILL 'EM ALL
yahooMessenger: No friends or foe online worth talking
skype: No login for some 2-3 weeks
mobile: Last phone call by UP abt 8 hrs ago
------------------Work Server Issues--------------------------------
Oracle DBA issue: Why the hell is the size of temp01 18GB. Out of disc space. Don't know why? I ain't a DBA. Volunteered responsibility
Linux Websphere issue: Clean up not happening properly. Relying on server reboot and kill all heavily. I ain't a fucking system administrator. Volunteered responsibility
RBS Application: Approaching Deadline: Monday.
Those fucking SKU on the live data not available for me to test my Sale Consolidation script.
Delivery Status dependent on a lot of people.
Database issue: Improper constraints to be rectified for the application database before next week end. Volunteered responsibility
Shell Scripting: Ain't it fun to do when u have delivery deadlines and fluctuating requirements.
------------------Life Server issues -----------------------------------------------
Personal Worries: Utilities bill of $300 not paid. Ain't going to pay it. Can't pay
Expense Settlement: Financial instability.
bloody mood swings don't want to talk..this work..ain't going no where and I have a realization that I can't work even more..bloody bad slog slog and slog. Nothing in it for me..save my soul
The day let me tell my self about the day..better call it a DOG's day..
- Couldn't sleep last nite..god knows y intermittent breaks all the time...finally wake up at 9 am and this ain't a normal day. Its saturday and am officially off today. Sorry man am sorry for this. Couldn't sleep :-((.
- Headed for the bathroom..everyday rituals..standing under the shower for some time.
- Left for office with in 15 minutes was the first one to walk in.
- Nothing but work here not knowing where to start.
- Set up the server and the laptop and then the local server of vMoksha office. This is because we work 5 days at client's place n then from here.
- Lunch at Soul Food..that mutton I couldn't eat..I dun know why I was elast interested in it.
- UP called up, the only good thing of the day, had a brief chat.
- Called up Dehradun, my parents in India same boring questions. Is it my fault that am in Singapore. Is it. Am bloddy fuck up of all this. They keep asking me why when what. Some time really pisses me of. Mom's logical statement ain't that logical to say.
She says she has two son's one is in Rourkela and other in Singapore. And then she told me she was really happy on 14 the when the doc has told her exactly 24 years ago that u can expect the baby tomorrow. Mom you can really never understand now I too miss you I ain't happy here and I can't even tell you. I can't even tell any one. How pissed of I am. This is a fycking bad life to live..fucking bad..no indulgences can hold me now. No smokes no booze. I can't escape the bloody me anywhere. - Came back after lunch boss had appeared on the scene.
- Setting up things for people to work on. Looking at the same old code. Trying to keep head cool. Flatmates appearing.
- Fifteen minutes chat with a friend from IIT K. "Hello Hi" chat with my brother.
- What a fucking day...its already 5:20 PM. What to do what not to do.
- Man am confused. I know where I am going. How to keep myself busy.
By the way when am blogging am also exporting a bloodt database from the live server.
I really wish man was an island now. Really an island.
Life status
myTune: Merciful Fate - Metallica (my iPOD)
myMood: Why am I Screwed ..realization bloody misfit I am
justOneLine: KILL 'EM ALL
yahooMessenger: No friends or foe online worth talking
skype: No login for some 2-3 weeks
mobile: Last phone call by UP abt 8 hrs ago
------------------Work Server Issues--------------------------------
Oracle DBA issue: Why the hell is the size of temp01 18GB. Out of disc space. Don't know why? I ain't a DBA. Volunteered responsibility
Linux Websphere issue: Clean up not happening properly. Relying on server reboot and kill all heavily. I ain't a fucking system administrator. Volunteered responsibility
RBS Application: Approaching Deadline: Monday.
Those fucking SKU on the live data not available for me to test my Sale Consolidation script.
Delivery Status dependent on a lot of people.
Database issue: Improper constraints to be rectified for the application database before next week end. Volunteered responsibility
Shell Scripting: Ain't it fun to do when u have delivery deadlines and fluctuating requirements.
------------------Life Server issues -----------------------------------------------
Personal Worries: Utilities bill of $300 not paid. Ain't going to pay it. Can't pay
Expense Settlement: Financial instability.
May 10, 2005
Bamboo
Well bamboos are one of my favourite things in the plant kingdom.
Rustle of the bamboo leaves n the flute kinda sounds when there is a slight breeze blowing in a bamboo jungle is more than enuf the drive me cray.
This one is on my desk amidst wires n comps and cables n just behind the wall is our server...29 and 85.
N for those who can understand there is one b in my g as well...am chasing deadlines i really fear now...
and not to mention this is from my moto razr v3 black's small camera
May 8, 2005
updated wish list
Some people are born spenders and I have no doubt about it.
This month speaks good on what I have bought of the meagre salary I have....
Last month's wish list talked about the Motorola Razr V3...well I have bought it now and it rocked by boat and I paid deep from my pockets...whopping SGD 725....i think it would be good to add that the extra 25 dollars were for the limited edition black version...but it's a goood buy n I have fallen in love with this feature rich phone.
Next thing, I jusr bought was a small phone but it was not at all expensive and even more feature packed than my lil michelle, the Sony Erricsson's k700i. I seriously hopes my brother likes it as much as I liked it. I was tempted to buy the same but since I had too much looking into the phone I just went for the RAZR V3.
Next, the big story of the month...well the most unplanned story and the purchase was the one I bought yesterday. A JVC DVD-VCD-MP3 player, which literally leave a big whole in my pockets. It is something exclusive that I had not imagined, well look at it n then only I will say something about the price.
The price is only 749 dollars and weights just less than 10 kgs. And man listening to Pink Floyd last nite was a good experience on the wood cone speakers.
The END of the story.....I have lost all the money I once had. This once was only 7 days back. I spent some 2000 dollars in the last one week, in face to be precise in the last 4 days.
I don't know how is it going to work out this month.
#############################################################
For those who know about where and how I live. Some new developments are about to come.
I am planning to look for an independent house in Singpaore and may be motu will join me. Not very sure about the second part though i think he will.
This month speaks good on what I have bought of the meagre salary I have....
Last month's wish list talked about the Motorola Razr V3...well I have bought it now and it rocked by boat and I paid deep from my pockets...whopping SGD 725....i think it would be good to add that the extra 25 dollars were for the limited edition black version...but it's a goood buy n I have fallen in love with this feature rich phone.
Next thing, I jusr bought was a small phone but it was not at all expensive and even more feature packed than my lil michelle, the Sony Erricsson's k700i. I seriously hopes my brother likes it as much as I liked it. I was tempted to buy the same but since I had too much looking into the phone I just went for the RAZR V3.
Next, the big story of the month...well the most unplanned story and the purchase was the one I bought yesterday. A JVC DVD-VCD-MP3 player, which literally leave a big whole in my pockets. It is something exclusive that I had not imagined, well look at it n then only I will say something about the price.
The price is only 749 dollars and weights just less than 10 kgs. And man listening to Pink Floyd last nite was a good experience on the wood cone speakers.
The END of the story.....I have lost all the money I once had. This once was only 7 days back. I spent some 2000 dollars in the last one week, in face to be precise in the last 4 days.
I don't know how is it going to work out this month.
#############################################################
For those who know about where and how I live. Some new developments are about to come.
I am planning to look for an independent house in Singpaore and may be motu will join me. Not very sure about the second part though i think he will.
- Considering how I have been eating out and not cleaning the place or even been able to drink water in that filthy kitchen where its so horrible that I can't explain, I have decided that I will not be sharing the household expenses after this month.
- The only sharing will be the rental and the electricity, this month onwards.
- For those who don't know we have two visitors in the house who have been living with us for two months now and have no idea how we are going to settle down with them.
- Watever I hope the least possible am going to ask for is a share in the deposit of $1600 that we had paid + $900 we had lost + expenses. That essentially means some 450 dollars they will pay me back.
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