the guilt of doing business

Yes even I don't know how to put it this way.

The way people behave when something is seems to be going wrong in business. People are looking for emails, other proofs to be produced as an evidence when they anticipate something may wrong.

And how unreasonable this activity is I cannot really comment on it. Yes logically speaking no one would like to be blamed for someone else's fault, but does pin pointing a finger really helps. When people are pursuing something together as a team, the aim is to speak "MISSION ACCOMALISHED" together. But how corporate buck passing works it makes me ponder is it really so or it is what just shows and is portrayed.

No I am not at the recieving end of this. But I know that if every one does his or her job there would be no need for the search of a scape goat. These small things can be tackled far easily by human minds working together. But instead of working out together we are trying to work out against each other. There is more contingency planning going around than the effort to make it out sometimes. How to justify this I don't know. May be am too young, I don't undertand the basic business rules or playing safe strategies ..but still I cannot digest this logic.

There is life beyond success and failure. There is more to life than just pursuing a goal. Wouldn't it be fun if the journey was as pleasurable as the destination?

Destination is not some place where we will reach at the end of the jounrney. We are not supposed to celebrate when we reach at the end. The real fun lies in making the journey "the destination" and celebrating each moment. These success and failures are just pit stops ...keep throttling..

Keep walking ...thats what it means isn't it?


PS: For the anonymous person searching for me...yes this the person you are looking for....am the same guy who was at kvfri ddun n passsed out in 97.

the concept of critical path

Project management is one activity every aspiring developer wants to take on as eary as possible. When you look at the PM aka Project Manager you tend to like his job so much. This guy never needs to actually poke his head through the messy lines of code, never needs to debug, is only asking people about deadlines "WHY" and "WHEN", all the thinking he needs to do is about the documentation in either MS Word or MS Excel or max MS PowerPoint. Not only is the work looks so easy to do and what a handsome salary he is paid for all this easy task.
This is so natural to happen."GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER" on the other side and this ain't any exception.

How cna i say so coz I was in the developer team in fact even now I am but the only difference is that I am also looking at some things yes I will say some thigns because its such a big thing to handle and I am such a small fly I cannot say I am doing REAL PROJECT MANAGEMENT. I am not even ready for taking up that activity. Why because there are certain aspects to it I only realized when i stepped into the shoes.Primarily because

a) Users and Bosses in general are pretty unreasonable people
b) Users and bosses are human beings and have seasoned with experience
c) Deadlines are real
d) Resources - money (read resources) and time are limited

Amidst these pressures there is this guy struggling to keep a balance into what the clients demand...what they want as he needs to get the job done from his team. He needs to make sure that he envisages all activities which may or may not happen.He needs to plan and not only plan he needs to execute those plans. He needs to protect his team from the outside world and make life easier for them otherwise thr productivity and efficiency is at stake.

What I will say he does a heculean job. That is one reason that we apreciate only few of the managers and call a lot of them "Excel PM". Nothing wrong to it but mananging activities so that overall duration of the project is not exceeded requires much more than a human being has to offer. Thats what makes a successful PM different from all others. The real hero !!!

Sometimes this even means for him to lay himself down on the critical path to bridge the gaps.

So for today I wish someday I will become one "PM".

sweet thoughts of some one

In June 2005, I talked to some one for the last time.
Yes last time and I dun know where the person is. I cannot contact him..its so weird yet I keep thinking..how life is at the other end...

If some one knows whom I am talking about or if some one is in touch.
Please update me whats up at the other end...there are some string which life pulls every now and them.

I some times still think...its just human i guess to live on...

pink floyd rocks...
high hopes...playing on and on its been an hour...
and I am thinking am lost....
check out the video on you tube or google if u are missing this bit...
I cannot agree any more...even after years it still so fresh

--------------------------------------------------------------
Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun
Along the long road and on down the causeway
Do they still meet there by the cut
There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide
At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world

****

Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There's a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
go down this road we've been so many times

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river

Forever and ever
"Hey, is that Charlie? yes... Hello Charlie... great"

guns and roses reloaded

GnR as they are popularly called is one of my all time fav bands and its reloaded big time on my music scene. They are masters of the Rock and there was more than enough packed into the band members talents..AXL ROSE the perfect vocals and SLASH solos.Steven Adler on drums, Izzy Stradlin and Duff McKagan. Master musicians who shot to fame and were on top of the fame around 1990.But as it happens for most on the top. The band just disintegrated and Slash - Adler both are now with Velvet Revolver. As far as I know Axl Rose is the only member from the glorious past who is with Guns and Roses.But I think spilt was the last nail in the coffin coz unless all the ingredients are put in in correct propotions the meal cannot be perfect.

But that the shitty thisg is GnR couldn't handle making it big and shot to fame for bloody all the reasons other than music after they hit the top. So the ned was near. Axl went to drug rehab..he had his own set of problems..and eery body else walked off. Nevertheless some great songs were churned by the band. The powerfuil lyrics really make a point.

You name it and they have songs november rain, estranged, sweet child 'o mine, my michele, yesterday, paradise city,welcome to the jungle and lot more.

I think they are the only competing band with metallica on my hard rocking list who make full time comebacks.


\m/ keep rocking...

"I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I had to put her
Six feet under
And I can still hear her complain "
-- Used To Love Her (Lies)

Read more about them here on Wiki Pedia

all fucked up now...

kill me coz if u dun dear friend some one will...
hate me my frinend coz if u dun I will do it...

am sitting u..working on docs..presentations which don't seem to come to end..am churning shit each day..day after day..am tired..please dun bother to ask me how am I...I will say Great..am fine...no other words to say..

3 months now..for 3 months all these docs and emails and presentations...and pdf's no real work..no hands down technical stuff...this is whats happening here..any more updates wanted!!!...better dun ask

dun ask me anything coz I will lie..am frustrated am tired..thats the story as of now

huhh...

cooking what a fine thing to do

Well people who know me might be surprised when i reveal this new development. Remember someone long ago said "Need is the mother of invention". No no I have not invented somehting but what has happened latelt ever since i came back to Singapore this feb has changed my culinary habbits and to my wonder I have discovered that I do have an above average natural falir for cooking.
Never tried it before nor wanted to do. In singapore there were little options left after eating out for almost an year. Its so obvious that so many indians living abroad start cookig themselves. We are lazy people (no offences meant for those who are not but I am talking about the gang that I have and people I know) and for me eatihg out those fries and fried chicken and burgers call it McDonalds or KFC or Burger King or Moss Burger or Pizza at Pizza Hut ( I hate those Pizzas) leads to a mental agony. a guilt that you don't exercise and don't even eat healthy food. So I opted for cooking myself and it has turned out to be such good of an experience that I don't even like to ear at those fine diing resturants.

Can you believe I did daal makhani yesterday night. It was so fucking good that I have to confess even I hadn't thought it to be so. I didn't have any idea how to do so many vegetables or pulses but I tend to have a natural talent to do it better than I would put even many chefs who cook Indian food do.

I am so happy eating stuff that I like. I am not excellent at putting how much salt and 5-105 times it goes on the wrong side, but I hardly spend less than 40 mins including the time to eat on cooking. Now the next thing i can think of is learning how to make indian cread or roti as we all call it. Eating rice doesn't come so naturally to me.

Folks come over here...may be I will cook something for us to eat. This is what may be you never expected out of me..nevermind even I didn't!!

bk from hols..rush to toilet...ahaaaaaaaaaa

Went for a holiday to doon and came back to Singapore.
The holiday was so short that I cannot even say that it was one week i spent in India. It does not even feel like that. I started on 14th morning from here and came back on 23rd Morning. Still it feels like i hardly spent anytime at home but i think thatsw normal to think about holidays and what one feels afterwards.

But the baggage I came back with included something which has forced me to sleepless nights and days of uncomfort. Being so fond of Indian food, I tries eating at so many places including the famous Haldiram's at delhi, KC Soup Bar at dehradun and not to forget all the paani poories/chaat/tikki/ras malai at UP ke wedding. I think it would be unfair if I don't talk about unlimites stuffed parathas at home. So you can very well imagine what would had happened. Looks like of all the nuerous water bottles that I had gulped down..some one had some Enamoeba Histolitica waiting for me..and now all i have are trips are toilet..watery stools and mucous from intestine being flushed.

So folks I will say that one must plan everything especially this thing when you are returnig from India. Don't forget to pack in Ciprolet A to ease your tummy because you will inevitably be forced by something u ate/drank to rush to toilets infinite times. So please pack these tablets with you when you are returning from India and if you have a spare tablets..please pass on to me..........

BTW had the pleasure to attend UP's marriage in Meerut. Here are few pics...


------Preparing for the Day--Sis Doing Hinna on His Hands-----------


---------------Riding to get his soulmate-------------------------


----------------------------the bride n the groom----------------------------

and it unfolds

It unfolds slowly, so slow that no one notices. So slow that no ones knows. Before any one understands whats happening it unfolds so much that its only thought to be changing in leaps and bounds. But the question is what is it or what it is? This is something we all know so very well that we don't even know. Judging oursleves, judging others, working our day doing chores we are so busy that we even fail to realise that this something is nothing else but the LIFE which is what we are living every day.

One fine day we realise that life has happened to us. Life has changed and then we are struggling to find it its good or bad. How good and how bad? We forget to notice that the life has changed. One of such thing happens every now and then. It happens to me and it happens ro you.

Today was the first BIG meeting I attended. All the people sitting there were bigger than me and I was the youngest. I am sure none of them know me, but i knew them all. The room they called the board room. The CEO, the VP's all the big shots and there in the corner was me. The very me. I didn't speak anything. What would a small guy like me talk there in front of those people who talk about millions and shoulder the responsibility to do things which impact millions of dollars but we are all human isn't it.

These meetings happen all the time. And I sit there as a silent spectator. I am a spectator knowing so little that I am never comfortable to speak up there. Back in my office also when they talk technical stuff I am lost...

LOST I am because I don't know or because its so..it is as it is. There is something I am fighting for working charged up every night day after day but I really don't know what it is that keeps fuelling me everyday. A desire a fire an eternal flame to burn out rather than fade away..looks like an old story in the old package..Kurt Cobain said so as well right but he killed himself.

But I have a plan for my self. Work so hard, strive so hard that it kills you. Beats the shit out of you. That will finish me off. I am not sure about you.

"Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can’t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he’s gone"

changing seasons

The seasons are changing..wasn't they were supposed to be. But is it Spring coming up or is it a cold winter no one really knows. Even if people know I surely don't know this.

The first season changed when I left for India thinking that may be there would be no coming back to Singapore and here I am sitting in Singapore in a new house surfing at midnight putting my thoughts on this blog. I have not even come back, I have commited myself to stay here for another 2-3 years. Life changes and scenes change.

A few really good things happened in between those days (when I was in India) to me. My parents came over to Bangalore to visit me. Just after leaving Bangalore I got an offer to get back to Singapore and start working on a new project, which was very much identical and very much different though domain being the same..came back with old folks. Not only did I came I also brought along with me Avinash who rocks like no one else...and just by being here he as changed my life here.

Now we have a house..which we share, where we talk. Avinash reminds me of all those old days in IIT K and never makes me feel old again. The routine in the daily life has broken and has given place to this new life here and am loving it. What else do you want from a place outside India that you are amongst people who know you.

Had some time to go places in India. Avinash, me and Abhilash went to Ooty. It was a nice trip with friends like old times to a new place. Then with the parents who were visiting bangalore went to Koorg just before going to OOty. It was also a memorable trip. Had they stayed longer it would had been even better and enjoyable. But sudden demise of Tauji made them cut there visit short.

In between met frineds from college...even some from school. Feels good to talk to friends you know the best...its enjoyable and then to end it all came back with avinash to Singapore.

New job is exciting. Every day is a learning..working with a team..you like is good.

These are better days atleast they look to me so

Long Time No C

"Long Time No C"..a popular slang popular in school is what I can promise this blog as its been such a long time that I was away, nicely tucked up in luxary in the warmnt of near and dear ones that I almost forgot everything, including this blog.

I came to India on 14th December and it turned out to be such exciting time.
Travels..with family with friends, with college mates, eating good foo, shopping, endless phone calls..you name it and I had it.

Went to OOTY then to the beautiful ShivSamudram - Chil Chilla Falls, Chikka Falls, Koorg...a lifeful of memories all captured with my nikon.

BE RIGHT BACK...

Going Home

Well I feel prety dumb when I say that am confused. But thats what is appropriate to say what I am. I wanted to go home and resign and change my job and look what I have planned meticuosly over the past three months and how well I have executed it.
Priorities on the list were to:

A) Return back to India because Singapore was boring and I wasn't saving anything.
B) Move out of that goddamn house..coz flatmates suck.
C) Change job because this one was bloody irritating, lots of work and no money.
D) Get away that unnecessary responsibility and over-commitment I attract.
E) Spend sometime with friends traveling and sharing my earnings with friends.
F) May be return to Singapore with some better job

Today with less than a week to go back to India. What all I have managed is so simple and away from what I wanted from life.

A) I am still with the same company. I am still taking the same shit and I shall have the same shit for some time in future.
B) Based on my request to go back my green card is cancelled (yep I wanted it to be so) and this means that if I come back I may have tax liability of extra 10%.
C) This is still doubtful if I will come back or not
D) Am leaving my luggage here and it will be lying here assuming that I will return.
E) I don't know when I will be coming back.
F) None of the friends have time to come with me to GOA :( to celebrate and hang out.
G) My folks are coming to bangalore and hence they don't want me to travel across India coz hard earned money will be wated.
H) No body understands what I want to do and why I coming back
I) New boss might think I am not keeping up my promise as I am not sure how the new module I have been asked to shoulder responsibility for development will come up.
J) I have to report in Bangalore office on 26th Dec.


The holidays look more like confusing that entertaining to me.
The additional tax liability may be irritating. The company may not send me back.
I may have to resign and look for other job but I don't know where when why and what.

Life is a little too chaotic and confusing as of now.
But not because things are wrong or bad. Its because this is life. I am growing up.
I am nerd and I think a little to much and I always love to Hate what life offers and think about what if scenarios.

I am trying hard to control all this but looks like it will take time to appreciate life and understand what it is and to keep this pessimism under control.

Isn't it more than good that I am going home.

bawara man dekhne chala ek sapna

"Bawara man dekhne chala ek sapna
Baware se man ke dekho bawari se baatein
Baaware se dadkane hai baaware se saasein"

With this music playing in the background I am just sitting on this wooden floor with my legs folded and thinking about what lies ahead in life. What lies spread today on the fabric of life for me , what I have already swept aside and whats about to sweep me off. Journey of life has been so straight forward yet sometimes it feels like growing old ain't just as easy as adding experience to your CV. The buffing due to the erosion of life leaves such smooth currves on the mind that sometimes even the present just slides off. And when the feet are seeped then only we realise that living this life has been hard on ur knees.




Alls well y am I disturbing these thoughts to criss cross my head....lets leave them where they belong in the pool of life drowned.

the honest man of India

We all new generation people believe in NarayanMurthy. He is almost synonymous with the emergence of IT in India and believe it or not he is the biggest influencer of todays time. There are more people like him who make it big from scratch but they can not even dream of what Murth the founder of INFOSYS has..his honest image.

I was reading excerpts from the biography of his wife Sudha.And its so much worth mentioning that I just decided I will put it on my blog.

"It was in Pune that I met Narayan Murty through my friend Prasanna who is now the Wipro chief, who was also training in Telco. Most of the books that Prasanna lent me had Murty's name on them which meant that I had a preconceived image of the man. Contrary to expectation, Murty was shy,bespectacled and an introvert. When he invited us for dinner.. I was a bit taken aback as I thought the young man was making a very fast move. I refused since I was the only girl in the group. But Murty was relentless and we all decided to meet for dinner the next day at 7.30 p.m. at Green Fields hotel on the Main
Road,Pune.

The next day I went there at 7' o clock since I had to go to the tailor near the hotel. And what do I see? Mr. Murty waiting in front of the hotel and it was only seven. Till today, Murty maintains that I had mentioned (consciously!) that I would be going to the tailor at 7 so that I could meet him...And I maintain that I did not say any such thing consciously or unconsciously because I did not think of Murty as anything other than a friend at that stage. We have agreed to disagree
on this matter. Soon, we became friends. Our conversations were filled with Murty's experiences abroad and the books that he has read.

My friends insisted that Murty was trying to impress me because he was interested in me. I kept denying it till one fine day, after dinner Murty said, I want to tell you something. I knew this was it. It was coming. He said, I am 5'4" tall. I come from a lower middle class family. I can never become rich in my life and I can never give you any riches. You are beautiful, bright, and intelligent and you can get anyone you want. But will you marry me? I asked Murty to give me some
time for an answer. My father didn't want me to marry a wannabe politician,(a communist at that) who didn't have a steady job and wanted to build an orphanage...

When I went to Hubli I told my parents about Murty and his proposal. My mother was positive since Murty was also from Karnataka, seemed intelligent and comes from a good family. But my father asked: What's his job, his salary, his qualifications etc? Murty was working as a research assistant and was earning less than me. He was willing to go
dutch with me on our outings. My parents agreed to meet Murty in Pune on a particular day at10 a. m sharp. Murty did not turn up. How can I trust a man to take care of my daughter if he cannot keep an appointment, asked my father.
At 12noon Murty turned up in a bright red shirt! He had gone on work to Bombay, was stuck in a traffic jam on the ghats, so he hired a taxi(though it was very expensive for him) to meet his would-be father-in-law. Father was unimpressed. My father asked him what he wanted to become in life. Murty said he wanted to become a politician in the communist party and wanted to open an orphanage. My father gave his verdict. NO.

I don't want my daughter to marry somebody who wants to become a communist and then open an orphanage when he himself didn't have money to support his family.

Ironically, today, I have opened many orphanages something, which Murty wanted to do 25 years ago. By this time I realized I had developed a liking towards Murty which could only be termed as love. I wanted to marry Murty because he is an honest man. He proposed to me highlighting the negatives in his life. I promised my father that I will not marry Murty without his blessings though at the same time, I cannot marry anybody else. My father said he would agree if Murty promised to take up a steady job. But Murty refused saying he will not do things in life because somebody wanted him to. So, I was caught between the two most important people in my life.

The stalemate continued for three years during which our courtship took us to every restaurant and cinema hall in Pune. In those days, Murty was always broke. Moreover, he didn't earn much to manage. Ironically today, he manages Infosys Technologies Ltd., one of the world's most reputed companies. He always owed me money. We used to go
fordinner and he would say, I don't have money with me, you pay my share, I will return it to you later. For three years I maintained a book on Murty's debt to me.. No, he never returned the money and I finally tore it up after my wedding. The amount was a little over Rs 4000. During this interim period Murty quit his job as research assistant and started his own software business. Now, I had to pay his salary too! Towards the late 70s computers were entering India in a
big way.

During the fag end of 1977 Murty decided to take up a job as General Manager at Patni Computers in Bombay . But before he joined the company he wanted to marry me since he was to go on training to the US after joining. My father gave in as he was happy Murty had a decent job, now.

We were married in Murty's house in Banglore on February 10, 1978 with only our two families present. I got my first silk saree. The wedding expenses came to only Rs. 800 ( US $ 17) with Murty and I pulling in Rs. 400 each.


I went to the US with Murty after marriage. Murty encouraged me to see America on my own because I loved travelling. I toured America for three months on backpack and had interesting experiences which will remain freshin my mind forever. Like the time when the New York police took me into custody because they thought I was an Italian trafficking
drugs in Harlem. Or the time when I spent the night at the bottom of the Grand Canyon with an old couple. Murty panicked because he couldn't get a response from my hotel room even at midnight. He thought I was either killed or kidnapped.

IN 1981 MURTY WANTED TO START INFOSYS. HE HAD A VISION AND ZERO CAPITAL...initially I was very apprehensive about Murty getting into business. We did not have any business background.. Moreover we were
living a comfortable life in Bombay with a regular pay check and I didn't want to rock the boat. But Murty was passionate about creating good quality software. I decided to support him. Typical of Murty, he just had a dream and no money. So I gave him Rs 10,000 which I had saved for a rainy day, without his knowledge and told him, This is all I have. Take it. I give you three years sabbatical leave. I will take care of the financial needs of our house. You go and chase your dreams
without any worry. But you have only three years!

Murty and his six colleagues started Infosys in 1981,with enormous interest and hard work. In 1982 I left Telco and moved to Pune with Murty. We bought a small house on loan which also became the Infosys office. I was a clerk-cum-cook-cum-programmer.

I also took up a job as Senior Systems Analyst with Walchand group of Industries to support the house. In 1983 Infosys got their first client, MICO, in Bangalore. Murty moved to Bangalore and stayed with his mother while I went to Hubli to deliver my second child, Rohan. Ten days after my son was born, Murty left for the US on project work.


I saw him only after a year, as I was unable to join Murty in the US because my son had infantile eczema, an allergy to vaccinations. So for more than a year I did not step outside our home for fear of my son contracting an infection. It was only after Rohan got all his vaccinations that I came to Bangalore where we rented a small house in Jayanagar and rented another house as Infosys headquarters. My father presented Murty a scooter to commute. I once again became a cook,
programmer, clerk, secretary, office assistant et al. Nandan Nilekani (MD of Infosys) and his wife Rohini stayed with us. While Rohini babysat my son, I wrote programs for Infosys. There was no car, no phone, and just two kids and a bunch of us working hard, juggling our lives and having fun while Infosys was taking shape. It was not only me but also the wives of other partners too who gave their unstinted support. We all knew that our men were trying to build something good.


It was like a big joint family,taking care and looking out for one another. I still remember Sudha Gopalakrishna looking after my daughter Akshata with all care and love while Kumari Shibulal cooked for all of us. Murty made it very clear that it would either be me or him working at Infosys. Never the two of us together... I was involved with Infosys initially. Nandan Nilekani suggested I should be on the Board but Murty said he did not want a husband and wife team at Infosys. I was shocked since I had the relevant experience and technical qualifications. He said, Sudha if you want to work with
Infosys, I will withdraw, happily. I was pained to know that I will not be involved in the company my husband was building and that I would have to give up a job that I am qualified to do and love doing.


It took me a couple of days to grasp the reason behind Murty's request.. I realized that to make Infosys a success one had to give one's 100 percent. One had to be focussed on it alone with no other distractions. If the two of us had to give 100 percent to Infosys then what would happen to our home and our children? One of us had to take care of our home while the other took care of Infosys.

I opted to be a homemaker, after all Infosys was Murty's dream. It was a big sacrificebut it was one that had to be made. Even today, Murty says, Sudha, I stepped on your career to make mine. You are responsible for my success. I might have given up my career for my husband's sake. But that does not make me a doormat.... "

Inspiring story. One more GOD..one more SACHIN

GOD IS BACK.....the christ called sachin

The ball in the game swings. Earlier it used to swing only when it was a new ball but then techniques and innovation made the ball swing even when the ball was worn and it was called reverse swing. So now the ball swings when its new and when its worn.

The game where this ball swings is not called Cricket (where India is on the rise (may be inspired by Arch Enemy..we will rise) against the Sri Lankans ) but I would call it LIFE.

Everyday in life is a lesson. Life is a school someone rightly said.And sometimes the lessons come simply from games. And if you are follower of Cricket or for that matter if you are from the sub-continent where people live, eat ,drink and sleep CRICKET, then you can clearly read the lessons this series has taught us all.

One of my friends scrapped me on orkut "FUCKING GOD IS BACK".
I couldn't realise what he was taking about. Just hours later I realised he was talking about the GOD of Cricket or "SACHIN TENDULKAR" the living legend came back to play after six months and he announces his comeback with style that no one else can match. No fireworks no spoken words, his bat does the talking.
And what it means for all of us.
He is not a captain, he is just a team player. But when he gets going the team gets a boost and in the following matches India was rolling on a high like never before. Every one hitting runs, exceptional bowling, he brought the spirit into the team..the winning zeal and the confidence the belief back. And you need not be a leader to do so.
Yes Ganguly had been successfull but thats mere statistics. The aura aroung ganguly and Sachin is so different. Thought I am not trying to convey that Ganguly was a lamer or a jerk or a looser cause that would be another debate and yes he did contribute to Indian Cricket as a captain. I firmly believe its the class of Dravids and Tendulkars who are the real Indian crickets. Dhoni Sehwag Irfan who just play cricket and don't play with media. Its not the naming game mind you. The team be it the Super Subtitute who just came to gave the drinks. Just hardwork dedication and determination and these guys have it all.

Just when these are all struggling to get a good break and to find a place for themselves in the side, we are also living our lives find a place. Not every one can be a GOD, and for being GOD you need not be a leader.

Just keep doing your work, put your hundred percent, stay true to your heart and yes success will come. Yes when it doesn't come, things go awry...when you are the only one slogging on a Sunday in office struggling, when u realise you don't get anything out of it..I feel frustrated and I also know that I am not alone feeling so.

But thats Okay. This is a learning.
Learn what life is teaching. We choose what be become.
So learn to make choices.
Try to become GOD and if you can't like me, then just follow the GOD when he is back and the motive is not success for you but for the team.


Because its like "WE WILL RISE" and not "I WILL RISE"





Images: Click on Images the original creditors sources have not been changed .sachin is from BBC.

Changing times....my life changes

Well life ain't the same n thats what life is.
There is only one thing certain about life that everything is uncertain.
Just like water, even life begins to stench when stagnated.
Like it or not but the truth is that chage is eternal but being a normal human being which I am I tend to forget it often. Then starts the process to resist the change and longer it takes to adopt and greater is the pain.


So this time around I was prepared for this big change in life.
I have accepted to this uncertanity associated with my job as a software engineer and just as expected yesterday night wasnot a pain at all.
Why was yesterday night important. It was one night I used to count days till. It was Deepawali, the biggest festival I can think of as a reason for celebration.

As a kid deepawali meant planning for months to buy those firecrackers, to wear new clothes, sweets and illuminations. Imagine whole of the city illuminated with candles, and earthern lamps and electric lights. Yes its a festivity any kid in India can't just forget.
But times did change. After the school days, I left out to pursue my bachelor's in engineering. Stayed in the university for four years and then after than enrolled for my master's in IIT. I spent six years between those two institutios but never did I miss one diwali in any form beacuse I was with my family back in Dehradun.
Sometimes brother and sister joined too with their kids but even if they didn't it was like no different because maa and papa were always thr by my side.
Though it was always a pleasure to celebrate the Diwali with everyone.

But after I passed out of IIT and came of to bangalore things changed. I was already working for 3-4 months when the Dipawali came up. For the first time in my life I was celebrating life without maa and papa, but yes this time around my sis n jiju were in bangalore so no issues. It was fun to celebrate though I missed the old times.

And then this diwali the simple world even complicated further. I am here in Singapore not very far away from Singapore but none from the family to celebrate this time. Nothing really happens and this diwali becomes like just another day of life. Quiet obvious like and quiet time, hanging out with another some one who was trying to kill his time coz he was out there like me celebrating Diwali.

So what becomes of Diwali.
Cleaning up the room including wiping the floor till 4 pm. Yes I know it sucks but mama used to do it so its kind of obvious to clean up as much as you can. Something you just do because you see your parents doing and cleanliness whatever I say I have to admit, I feel uncomfortable living without.
After that what to do catches you up. So you walk to the office. The same place where you spend the most time everyday. Then you work for few hours to be precise till 9 PM. In between you somoke and go out to buy phone cards to call everyone back in India.
@9PM you head to the eating destination where they serve good food and you like to eat though its a bit expensive but isn't it diwali.
"Pamper Yourself" boss says sometimes.
2 beers, 1 to be precise half bootle of Kingfisher small one and half of the Tiger, Maa ke Daal, Navratom Korma, Naans, Paneer Pakoda and Onion Pakoda's.

Click three snaps, take a cab and go home.


That's a new deepawali.
No its not that bad, but the thing is I still feel it would had been better had i been with friends or best if friends are reaplced by family.

But thats growing up. Because times change.
And we must grow up to know that they do.
Living independently celebrating alone is one that I am still to learn.

I can recall "Time is the teacher ", and I will learn.

May be next year I will be smart enought to light candles to know the diwali needs to be celebrated come whatever or may be I will be back with friends.

spending hard earned money to become bankrupt every month

Leonard Cohen

"I don't consider myself a pessimist at all. I think of a pessimist as someone who is waiting for it to rain. And I feel completely soaked to the skin."—from interview with The Daily Telegraph (1993)

Who else can touch me so well than a person who expresses his depression so well.
And so I have bought a new album called Leonard Cohen The Essential.

Sexy album...really husky voice ....shall write more about it soon.

lolz old days : for the sake of memories

The following image ain't an ordinary image.
Yep I know it Sucks but am publishing this for the sake of good old days when these girls but yes am telling u these girls were some of the most sought after.
But that ain't something special among these girls it was just the rush of harmones in the veins and the sheer pressure imagine a ratio of about 1 gal to 25 males ...

No no please dun c to it as an insult to these girls, though they were really able to keep up making choices coz of the ratio that was maintained.



:( I wanted to talk abt the history of this snap.

But something else has come up my server........be right back

and you bleed

There is a problem you know about.
There is a problem with your emotional self. It comes up when you love something, when you are emotionally too attached to something. And it makes you bleed and weep.
It makes you feel so sad about that you just can't think of something else.

And yes I have that problem with me.
It doesn't matter what is the centre of the problem but when something comes near or touches something which is so close to my heart I just can't breathe easy and here am now blogging sitting in front of one such problem, I just can't put my point across. I don't want someone to bog it down or to create a scene because here I am sitting thinking about it and bloddy in a bad mood cause of all this.

And bloody this thing ain't something really its work. Bloody this project.
Why do I regret it every time.
I have grown so myopic spending my hours over it, day after day.
To an extent that I take everything personally now.

Bloody bad. Makes me sad.
I can' take it now. I can't make it now.

Why am I making an emotional fool of mine. Why does it hurt so much. I am sick.
Why does work mix so much into my life.

What the fuck....:(

when will i stop being a fool.....when god kows when.
Look what I have now because of this sleepless nights, terrible headaches, am staying away from home in Singapore in that house that sux, I don't eat meals regularly..and I am not even professionally sure like what after RBS..why would some one hire me. I am losing everything still its like moths I keep pushing my self beyond limits.

Why ...why..why do I suffer all this..

garhwali folk music

Am in a good mood today and I don't know why? Yes thats what has become of me.
May be thats because I just had a chat with my frn avinash one guy with whom I have shared such a long time talking that anything we talk about now feels like it has already been talked about.

Or may be its about the music I am listening to.
I don't know much about garhawali music. Before that I need to tell you whomsoever you are that garhawal and kumaon are two prominent parts of the state called Uttaranchal in India. And its the place where the spirituality of the world belongs to, yes literally speaking its calles "DEVBHUMI" or the land of the gods.
Garhwalis are people who belong to this place calles Garhwal and I am one of them.

Garhwali's are famous for just what Gurkha's are known for. Their honesty and their loyalty. Am thats what makes me feel proud of.

I was not much of a garhwali until I grew up and realised how distantly I was a part of the Garhwal. I could not speak the native language, could not understand the folk music, virtually knew the place as it existed and as I started moving away I started realising that the bond was slowly and alowly becoming stronger. And I guess thats what I have realised about life that we tend to realise the importance of things only when the things are taken away from us. I didn't realise how great was my native place until I moved out, how beautiful and peaceful it was until I was away, in fact how great is India and what is the joy of being an Indian until I came here to Singapore.

But am happy better late than never.
am listening to Narendra Singh Negi. The most popular of the singers in whole of the uttaranchal and isn't it an irony in my life that being such a music buff I have attended very few of concerts and of those one was Negi's at IIT Kanpur during my post graduation days.

This is such simple music that may be people can say there is no depth in it. This is so plane and refreshing. Just like the tibbet or chinese tranditional music. Music they rightly say has no boundaries. I spent the whole day listening to tibettan and chinese music from some chinese website about tibet which I could not even decipher a word about. But I could relate to the music so easily.

Whatever it is.
I know today that India is the best. And am proud to be Indian.
I am a global citizen and music is one of the best things I can appreciate in life.

Too many things together in a post. May be it is, may be it is not but thats why its an impression of chaos in my life :)